Maybe this topic is edgy. You could call it NSFW. Or just flat-out uncomfortable.
But it’s something we’ve got to talk about, because our kids are talking about it (with each other — for many, there aren’t any authority figures talking about it with them).
You’re avoiding something they’re confronted with on a daily basis, something they worry and obsess over, something that they have questions about that will just go unanswered unless someone reaches out and responds to their (unspoken, usually) queries.
1. What teens are doing. By ages 14-15, 10 percent of boys say they’ve had vaginal sex. By ages 16-17, the number is up to 30 percent. By ages 18-19, it’s above 60 percent. For girls, the trajectory is almost identical. Oral sex follows a similar trend. At ages 14-15, 9 percent of boys say they’ve performed cunnilingus. By ages 16-17, 20 percent say they’ve done it, and by ages 18-19, 61 percent say they’ve done it. Among girls aged 14-15, the number who say they’ve given a boy oral sex is 13 percent. By ages 16-17, it’s 29 percent. By ages 18-19, it’s 61 percent. If you’re turning 20 and you haven’t gone down on somebody, you’re in the minority.
Maybe it’s a sign that I’m getting older, but I was shocked by those numbers. They’ve all gone up steadily since the last survey was done. And I’d be wiling to bet that they’re pretty consistent for teens in many youth groups, too.
The numbers show that more teens are having sex, they’re having it earlier, and they’re not particularly discriminating about what type of intercourse they’re having–the lines have blurred.
Don’t just have “the” talk; have ongoing conversations. So many parents think having “the talk” once during their child’s adolescent period is enough. Too many youth workers believe if they address “sex and sexuality” one time each year, the problem is solved. Nope. Parents and youth workers must be committed to ongoing conversations…not intermittent lectures. If you are wondering how often you should speak with your teens about sex, just remember, they’re bombarded all day long with sexual images and messages in the world.Create an environment where off-the-wall sex questions can be safely asked. Don’t wait for them to broach the touchy subject with you; be proactive in discussing the sex lives of the teenagers closest to you.
